There is a truth in knowing who you are that will outshine anything.

 I have nothing, well maybe that's not true. I have lots but after the last couple of weeks my focus is way off. Many changes at work have forced changes on personal life as well. BUT! I am practicing what I preach and rolling with it. It can be damn hard at times but I know things will get back into some type of groove again.
 So here I sit, late Saturday night pondering everything from how I will motivate myself to start back working out to how I can get my job done more efficiently. Strange how our thought process works. Seriously, can anyone think like we used to? I cannot walk though the house without someone having a TV on. This I am not a fan of. Not that I hate TV, just that I think we have trained ourselves to want noise and distraction. Does anyone spend a moment with their thoughts anymore? Are you teaching our kids too? They have a lot more distractions than we did growing up.
 I have also thought about dinner parties. We had one the other night with some friends, one of which I have not seen since hight school. It was really fun having us all together with families. I think I am going to do it again with some other friends as well. Love my friends.
hmmmm What else...... Oh Damn I just realized something. This is probably the reason I am in the mood I am in. Tonight is the anniversary of my brothers accident. 20 Years ago my brother was killed in a car accident.

I still remember waking up that morning with the police knocking on the door. Asking my Dad to come with them and having me drive my mother to the hospital. I remember  being told in the waiting room that my Brother was being kept alive by a machine. I also remember my Dad making the decision not to keep him sustain by the machine. I have never  to this day, ever respected or thought more highly of a person in my life. My father is probably the strongest person I know.
 The funeral precession was the longest I have seen to this day. I remember looking back and not being able to see the end of it. It was amazing to see all the people. I remember thinking wow he had a lot of friends. Now as I think about it I am even more proud to think of all the lives he touched. He was one of the most unique people I have ever met. One of the main things I learned from him is that being different is not accomplished by acting different. It is accomplished by just being yourself. There is a truth in knowing who you are that will outshine anything.
 I also remember sitting outside the funeral home and wishing for rain. I have always loved the rain and think about that moment every time it rain now. Seems to clear my thoughts and calms my life no matter how hard it is raining.
 I took up writing poetry after that. Silly cheesy poems that relayed what I was thinking. Many of them about Dain. Some about death, hope, love, and life. I would probably publish them if they weren't so simple and cheesy. I wish I had a talent for writing. Truth is, I have no idea what my talent is.
 I have no regrets. I do not live in the past and constantly morn the loss of my brother. I am happy to have the memories. I feel that I am one of the luckiest people alive. He had many friends and girlfriends but only one brother. He passed away 2 weeks after my 21st Birthday. I am happy to have had 21 great years of living loving and learning with him.

 I am not sure why I am writing all of this. Maybe to clear my head or help focus my thoughts. I hope no one finds this upsetting. It has helped me tonight. Sometimes I think we need to put things out there for people to see. No one really knows how you feel unless you tell them. So there it is, those were thoughts that were stuck in my head tonight. Funny, when I started this I really had nothing to say. Now I will end it by saying. Love the ones you have. Life changes so fast it will make you head spin. Take nothing for granted.

I love my Family and friends. God bless all of you.