Unconditional

Unconditional

The Sun came up today in it's vain attempt to burn away the shadows.

I feel it’s warmth on my face, slowly chipping away at the cold inside.

Scars from the past too deep to heal serve as a reminder of the hard times we pass through.

Souvenirs for a place we didn’t want to go.

One smile, small, honest, and true, shines innocence on the guilty.

Offering unconditional forgiveness and love.

Making the sun’s light seem cool and the scars so hard to see.

Tucked away.

There are no words to describe what I see.
 beauty and elegance only just scratch the surface.
Deep inside the words hide from me,
 I can only stare into your eyes and hope you can see it in mine.

Tomorrow is not something we can safely plan for,
 truth is there are no promises for such things.
I will promise that until my dieing breath
 until I am returned to that which I came from.
I shall never stop feeling this way.

As a rose grows towords the warmth and light of the sun,
 I too shall always seek the warm embrace of your heart.
The comfort of your arms and the peace in your soul.
 And when my time does come and I leave this place.
 I will find my home, safely tucked away in your heart.

Roots in the dieing world

A simple chapter in a world gone mad.
live, love, and die
Angels watch as the fires burn away the underbrush
leaving behind the smoldering remains of what once was.
No great phoenix shall rise today.
No man shall step forward for fear of the untamed fires.
This is the truth, this is the vision of a conscience left to die.
The screams of agony makes us wonder if we have reached the gates of hell.
are the hounds on our heels and yet our own vanity keep us from seeing.
How did we get to this, what has burnt this world so that nothing remains?
Not greed, hate, nor vanity. Not any skewed trait we possess.
But more so from the lack of traits long forgotten.
We forgot the heart, love and compassion. Neglected the child and followed the beast.
It's vain promises of protecting and caring for family and the children.
Yes the children that is where we lost it.
Relying on the beast to nurture and educate but only leaving them dependant.
So here we stand, burnt, scorned, and left to die.
And yet as our vanity destroyed us so shall the evil die out.
Reveling in it's own power and laughing at the weak shell it has left us in.
In it's great celebration it fails to hear.
The one faint heartbeat that beats pure and true.
As it looks out across the embers it sees not death and detruction.
No, it sees warmth and a chance for a new growth.
Never wondering, never guessing. Only being what it knows to be.
The one faint heartbeat grows and love finds root in the dieing world.

J.

Pieces

I feel the pull of the memory, Drawing me in, feeding me, teasing me.

leaving me to sort the feelings as they fall on the floor in no certain order.

piecing together the moment on a clock so long ago.

The beauty of a soul that most would over look. Most would prejudge and scorn.

Pushing this person to a point in which I lost her.

The smile, the touch, the sweet voice of an angel displaced.

Sing me a song I say, the words softly fall from her lips like petals of a rose landing so gently on my heart.

"There is magic all around you if I do say so myself" Simple lyrics that spoke the truth in her heart. I tried to join in the song but she stopped me. This was her moment. This was her heart that she was giving me. Wanting nothing in return other than to let me know what was in this misguided angels soul.

And the moment passed and here I am with the scattered memories, knowing she is gone. A victim of bad decisions and a poorly dealt hand in life. But I place the pieces back together and see now what I over looked so long ago.

Two souls can connect, intertwine, and form a friendship that without words, without actions, without touch. Will bind to the heart and leave an everlasting impression.

vaya con dios

What I am

I can write about love and hope, fear and death.
I can wite about the past or what is to come.
I can see and understand the collective energies.
I can seperate the lies and fable from the truth.
 these are thing I can accomplish without effort.

I can feel the despair in the abandoned.
I can share the sadness of a strangers loss.
I am the bringer of hope and second chances.
I am the healer of hearts and scars.
 these are things I can accomplish without effort.

I can teach the seeker of knowledge.
I can guide the lost to the path of living.
I can soothe the anger and replace it with love.
I can love without fear.
 and yet on this side of heaven I stand hollow and alone.



~Jason  03/12

Feb. 20th

 Foolish writings of a simple mind. That is all these are. I have had a couple of people ask about my writings and at first I could not understand why. I do not feel I possess any talent to speak of. What could I offer that anyone would find interesting. So I put my feeble mind to the task of trying to figure out what it was. Why would anyone find interest in my random writings. I have a friend that writes stories about things that happen and his talent is amazing. He can really make words work for him. Showing us the emotion, humor, and spirit of his stories. Mine, mine are like scribbles on a bar napkin including the wet ring from the drink. I have a couple of poems around here written on that very thing.
 The only thing I can think of is the fact that it is my soul. I usually write when I am extremely tired. Which studies show that writing when tired or under the influence are some of the best times to really let out what you feel. You are less worried about what people will think ans so you can be slightly more creative.
 So here it is. My Soul. Naked, exposed, and being what it is. I am not looking for approval or acceptance. I am not hoping you like what you see. I am only putting it out there and saying here it is. Love it, hate, or just want to be friends with it. I don't care. I try to stay outside the proverbial box as much as possible. That box can also be called the Ego from time to time. But if you read some of these writings, I want you to leave knowing your not alone. Some of the stupid things done in life are done by all of us in one way, shape. form, or fashion. We all have the same feelings and I think that even if you leave here thinking this is stupid and a waste of your time, you will still know, down in side that we all have these strange thoughts from time to time. And while we my not grant them the time to entertain them ourselves. It is nice to know we are not alone.

 Remember: A balanced life is not about getting things the way you want them. It's about excepting things the way they are.

Holy Crap!!

I mean Really, It's February already!? This is going to be another fast year. Brace yourselves and hold on. I say, Let's not make it an easy one. Nothing good ever came from taking things easy. Push the boundaries people have set for you. Break the mold of what people think of you. Step out of the box they put you in? Are these the thoughts that come to mind? Good thoughts but they need a little fixing.
 Try this:
 Push the boundaries you have allowed others to set for you.
Break the mold you created to please others.
Step out side of the box you put yourself in.
 Once you admit that YOU are the reason you are where you are you will begin to move forward, break out and Live. Everyone is in some kind of issue/ drama/ Problem. until we realize that WE control and make the changes we will never be able to live. Let go of what binds you. Step through your own shadow. Be the person you deserve to be.
 ~J.

Christmas Request

 After reading a post by a good friend and an beautiful soul the other day I decided I have a request for each and every one of you, my friends. Being one of the people She referred to with and "empty Seat" at my table I started thinking about what it is that is most important to give someone as a gift. What stands out in memory as the best gift. I was asked what was my favorite gift I have ever received on Christmas and I had no answer. That is what got me thinking about this. What was the answer? Had I never received  something I truly wanted for Christmas? OMG do my parents owe me big time?! Why could I not pick something. Then it occurred to me that I was looking for something monetary. Something physical, solid, that I could hold and show. The truth is, have received something that is the best gift ever. That I would not trade, give back, or sell. Something I had shared time and time again and gave as a gift to others never really thinking it was that much of a gift.
 So this Christmas I ask you, all my friends to find someone, at least one person a day and give them a hug. I don't mean a quick grab and release. Wrap your arms around them, hold them for a few seconds.  Tell them something - Merry Christmas, I love, you smell good, I'm stealing your cookies..... I don't care what you say. Because the message is not in the words but in the few seconds you took out of your life to wrap your arms around them and hold on. Give them a hug that sinks in and hold on to their heart and soul.
Remember - You may never get the chance to do this again.

I hope This Christmas brings you Peace and Happiness.
Merry Christmas.

Truth

Chasing shadows and shining light.
We breathe each breath for the sole existence of what drives us.
We feed it, nurture it. Allow it to grow, consume, control.
Blinded by our own visions, Immune to lies, deception and truth.
What once was not is now so.
What once flickered now burns monumental.
It comforts us. Pleases us,  protects us from ourselves.
All the shadows are gone.
We have decided right and wrong.
Imposed our balance and show all our might.
and yet all this power, wiped away, in one final breath.


Jason Sandlin
11/16/11

Thoughts

A night to ponder. I find my thoughts scattered and without direction. When the inside takes the outside down we are left with but one purpose. That purpose, that need, that moment of clarity we have searched for all our lives is revealed to us often times in a moment of despair or fear and yet we find it to be the simplistic, basic need we have. Hidden away in plain sight we have been taught to over look it.
 Stepping forward is easy, trusting in our own steps becomes the hard part. Overcoming our fears takes us to a whole new level of being. A level of understanding that cannot be explained or understood by others. We master what others can't, then we return to the beginning. Making the circle complete and bringing us back to the most basic of needs. Find your basic need, fill it with the soul of all that is around us, then pass it on.
 Learning from the knowledge of the wise ones is the best step. Sadly the true wise ones are few and far between. Pushed away and scorned by the ignorant with power.

Naked and Fearless

 I always thought I would remember and yet the memory is clouded. I search for clarity in the mist of the best excuses offered to me and yet they are no comfort. So I sit digging for scraps of the life I had, knowing that letting it go is the only path forward.  It is hard to let go when I keep picking at the scabs of the past hoping for a glimpse into known happiness.
 Of all the fears we have, being alone is the hardest to overcome. Am I afraid of losing your memory or navigating life without you.
 Sometimes our best show of true strength is baring our weaknesses. Showing the world who we are is not about showing great power but about standing naked in the crowd. Showing the world that compassion and love does hurt. It does leave scars and breaks you down.  For us to experience the greatest joys, we have to risk the greatest sorrows.

~J

VACATION!!!!

Yes, it is that time of the year. Time to gather the family and head out on vacation. It seems like a lifetime ago since our last one. A lot of things have happened and the world I knew 1 year ago is no longer. I love going to the ocean. It has to be one of the most spiritual places on the planet. It's a reminder of who we are and a perfect guide for your life. It's simple, complex, raw, powerful, soft, constant, and changing. Some of my best writing comes to me while sitting on a beach letting life do what life does.
 So your wondering why I say the ocean is a good guide? Because, it gets what it wants, takes what it needs and pushes out what it doesn't have use for. You should live your life like the ocean lives it's. Never give up. no matter what obstacles should fall in it's path the waves keep coming. If you built a long wall down the beach to stop it... it would over time. Beat the wall down. That is how we should live. If someone puts something in the way of our goals, don't whine about it. Just keep your waves pushing toward your goal. You can over come.
 So I am looking forward to seeing my old friend and guide. Standing in the waves and feeling the true life force of the world. Listen to the kids play and sit back and enjoy. I may post some of the things I write but I am not sure. A lot of times the writing turn out to be thoughts on how i perceive myself or life and I am sure you don't want any of that boring mess.
 When I return from the trip I will start training again. i need to work on my cardio and breathing. Plus, losing a few pounds would not hurt either. :)
So I hope everyone has a fantastic week and I will see you around Facebook some... when I am not playing in the sand! Peace!

Rite of Passage

Prelude to story.

 This story came about out of anger originally. I was sick of hearing a guy complain about having no power after the tornados. He had a house, a car, a job, no damages, and still that wasn't enough. He thought not having power for a couple of days was not fair. But since I generally do not right when mad or attach someone I waited with my thoughts, pondering them, listening to them, and eventually got to what I consider the root of the problem. So here it is.

Rite of passage. You have heard the phrase and understand the concept of it but do you see the problems from lack of it? The other day I heard a young man complaining about not having power. No power..... seems to be an issue these days that bring us to our knees. A complete standstill. Oh my God, what will we do, we have no power! This is what got me thinking of the Rite of Passage. A tradition I think needs to come back in a bad way.
 All cultures tend to have some kind of rite. Whether is hunting, fighting, or some other physical activity to prove you are worthy of being considered a man and carrying on your family name. Trial and error, Blood, pain, sweat, and a driving need to succeed.
 Boys used to have to prove their worth even when I was a child. When I was young I would go work with my Dad carrying stuff, as I got older, I learned how to cut grass, wash cars, change tires, fix cars, swim, use a hammer, saw, use hand tools, handle weapons, and build stuff. Each one a small accomplishment and in it's own way a Rite of passage to the next task. What did it accomplish? It produced a MAN. I man capable of raising, taking care of, and defending family, friends, and a community if need be.
 It seems to me that this type of raising is disappearing. We get out cars washed and repaired by others. Our lawns tended to by others. We buy all or food already processed. We watch life from the comfort of our couches and recliners and this is the actions our kids see. So the next generation will be even softer, weaker, and a bigger dependent than the last.
 In our desperate attempt to find ourselves, get in touch with our softer side, or get in touch with our emotions, we have successfully neglected the man. The MAN, you know the one that stands proud, strong, and able. Women want Men. Strong able bodied men. Not pansies. Not someone scared of bugs, snakes, animals, or strangers. We are protectors and suppliers. Isn't it time we acted like it so our Sons know how to act and our Daughters know what kind of man to look for?

Writings

Sometimes I find it nice to write down thoughts. No particular order or reason, just write them down. Most times I end up getting something interesting out of them. I have a song lyric I started writing after my brother passed away and every time I sit and try to finish I end up with something completely different. I end up looking at the lyric and thinking "that doesn't work at all" then taking what I write and putting it away only to read it later and think wow why did I write that? Where was my mind when I wrote that.
 I have a pretty decent collection of writing since I started 20 years ago. Some I have shared out on the web and some will probably never see the eyes of another person. But all in all they have kept me in tune with my thoughts and feelings.
 Looking back and reading them has given me insight and inspiration for my life. I hope maybe one day the writings will inspire someone or ease their sorrow in a time of need or depression. We go through so many feelings in life and think that we are the only ones to feel that way when it is absolutely not true at all. I have no problem with sharing what I have written if they feel others would benefit.
 Below is one of the latest things that came from me trying to finish the old Lyrics.

Unconditional

The Sun came up today in it vain attempt to burn away the shadows.

I feel it’s warmth on my face, slowly chipping away at the cold inside.

Scars from the past too deep to heal serve as a reminder of the hard times we pass through.

Souvenirs for a place we didn’t want to go.

One smile, small, honest, and true, shines innocence on the guilty.

Offering unconditional forgiveness and love.

Making the sun’s light seem cool and the scars so hard to see.

Jason Sandlin

Recent events

 Funny how we get comfortable and set in our ways so much so that when something screws it all up we spiral with out direction. This spiraling is probably one of the scariest things a person can feel. No direction, no game plan, the team is busted up. You just stand there thinking what the hell just happened. We go through the "why me" questions over and over in our head. We try to figure out how this could happen and where we went wrong. The light at the end of the tunnel in no longer there.

 This is what I have gone through lately. I have not really told anyone because I thought I may be the only one but as I think more about it, I don't think that is true. I think a lot of us go through this feeling from time to time. Depression is a bitch and can suck the life our of you for sure. It is nothing to try and handle alone. So sometimes we have to step back and look at it from a completely new angle. Do you believe in fate, a predetermined destiny? Do you believe you have to live with what life has dealt you? Why?

 Sitting back waiting on God to help you out of it? Well I hope you answered no to all those questions. There is no fate. things change from moment to moment flowing and following what ever path life needs to take. Whatever discisions we make effect every part of it. God is going to bail you out? Nope he doesn't do that kind of thing. Don't believe me then try this. Stop eating and see if God will keep you from starving to death. It won't happen. He he does not give us hard times so we may learn from suffereing. He gives us challenges so we may better ourselves and prosper.

 We need to meet each day head on and see what happenes. If it beats us down then we rest and meet the next one the same way. Preserverence..... it can move mountains or mole hills. It can change the world and inspire others. I have watched people I looked up to get beatdown and come back stronger. Some of which are beat down at this very moment but I know they will come back stronger than ever. With a renewed love and drive for life. I look forward to this day. Me, I am good myself. Yea it beat me up for a few months but it not going to win. If troubles in life think they can take me out then they have not met my friends. When I stumble, I do not fall, I simple reach for a friend and they offer support. It is an amazing feeling when you start thinking about all the friends you have at your disposal. Just knowing they are there can give you enough strength to push on. So push on I will. Stand proud, I will. Live each day to the fullest, you bet. When you think you are alone and the only one feeling the way you do.... Think again. We have all been there and back. Friends can help, just let them.

 Life is not always about what we make for ourselves but what we make for others.

Jason

Captivate Post

Just thought I would give posting from my phone. Modern electronics make staying connected almost too easy. Sometimes finding a moment to ones self can be the hard part.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Old Writings

While digging around some old paper work the other day I came across some old writings and poems. i personally think most of them are simplistic and not worth reading but I have held onto them for one reason or another. I may consider posting some of the poems here but I am not sure yet.
 I did find the following writing quite interesting as I do not remember ever writing it. Although I did most of my writing while either depressed or feeling extremely happy and hopeful. I had dabbled a little in writing right after high school and it really became a place to put thoughts after my brother died. Some of the stuff is kind of scarey and will probably never see the light of day but who knows. Maybe I'll post some of it here so everyone can get a look at my extremely poor writing skills.   :)
 Again, I have no idea when I wrote the following note, but i did find it interesting.

Broken

Tonight the darkness seems darker if that is possible. Stumbling around in this darkness searching for a shred of light. How did I end up in such a place? Living has become such a chore, such a burden that I sometimes wonder why do I push forward. Why bother. I have asked for help, for a shred of light but I cannot see even the slightest glimpse to aid me in where to place my feet. And so I continue to stumble. Why, why, why, It wasn't always like this, I used to be happy. How did I lose that that I loved the most? Where can I find the pieces to reassemble and regain my life. Still no shred of light.

Have you ever heard the voice of God? Have you ever really listened? I thought I was listening then in the darkest of the dark. In the deepest of pain I heard the words. You cannot hear the true answer if your waiting for what you think the answer is. The voice was the loudest silence I have ever heard. You cannot hear the word of God with your ears. But you heart can her if like it was yelling at you. I asked, why? Why have you left me here stumbling in the dark, searching desperately for a shred of light to guide my steps? Why let me suffer.

" I am the light, I am the one that guides your path. You do not need light to see where to step. If you believe in Me then every step you take will be the right one. You are in the darkness because that is where the people are that need help finding the light. I am with you."

Sometimes that which we want most if right there in front of us but we cannot see it because we are looking for what we want not what we need.

JS

Train your brain!

 OK so I have a pet peeve, kinda. There is a saying that drive me crazy and I have finally decided to share it. Someone I know made this comment a couple weeks ago and it has been eating at me to right this.
I will say this loud and clear so everyone can hear this.

BAD THINGS DO NOT HAPPEN IN THREES.

 Did everyone hear that? Let it sink in, go ahead start thinking of your arguments and stories and I will shrug them off because to me this is the silliest thing.
 This concept really bothers me because I am what you would consider a positive thinker. I started my journey of positive thinking years ago when I realized that my brain believes what I feed it. If I keep saying things are bad, hard and suck. Then they will. The saying above it proof I am right. If something bad happens to you and you say "well bad things happen in three's" then you will consciously and subconsciously start looking for two more bad things and you will find them. When you do you will stop looking for bad things and not really see any more.
 Now imagine this concept in reverse. Something bad happens to you and you start thinking "Bad things always have an up side". You will tell your mind to focus on the positive, happy things in your life. This can help you really grow and advance in so many ways. You will be open to good news, opportunity, and happiness.
 Here is something to think about. We tend to think our brain is this mysterious thing and our thoughts can be controlled. This is just not true. You can control your thoughts. It may take some practice but it can be done.
 In studying Karate and the forms involved I have learned that muscle memory is a powerful thing. If I over think when doing my forms, I will mess up even the most basic of moves. If I clear my mind and let my body do what I have trained it to without thought, I will do the forms a lot better.
 Your brain is a muscle. Teach it to be open and receptive to good things. Teach it to be happy. After a while it will be second nature. You will be full of happiness and life. You will smile and react to smiles.

Need some help getting started. OK I will help. Free of charge. When someone asks how you are doing, say great, fantastic, wonderful, awesome, or any other word that reflects happy, positive thoughts. Do this every time you are asked how you are doing. Even on the days you feel like crap and hate the world. If you do this enough you will improve your attitude and outlook. You will train your mind to be happy. You will inspire others to be happier and have a better outlook.
 The world can be a miserable place if you keep looking for misery. But it can be an awesome place it you seek and inspire happiness.


 Peace.

The Day Paradise put up a Parking Lot

Thought of this lyric a couple of days ago. Simple words that ring true time and time again. Just think about all the places you used to hang out and what they are now. Of course some are still the parking lot we knew way back when, you just don't want to be there after dark now.
Some of my best teenage memories are at places that have drastically changed or are currently undergoing changes. Makes me wish I had taken more random pictures when I was younger.
 My first hangout memory would have to be Cinima City 8 Parking lot. When I was 15 - 16 years of age we spent many a night cruising around and around listening to music, meeting up and hanging out with friends and of course checking out oll the ladies. From there we rotated around to a few other parking lots including Centerpoint 6, Bama 6, Walmart, food worlds or just about anywhere people would find each other. Remeber we did not have cell phones to call and find each other. We just rode around untill we hooked up.
 Some of the more special hangouts were more out of the public eye where a few of us would meet and spend most of the evening enjoying drinks and having long conversations about everything under the sun. Some of the places had simple names that we called them but too this day recall great memories to all who knew them. Some places include "the circle" which was a road in my neighborhood that had no houses on it. "the Shack" which predates cruising times. "Ruffner" was a hangout you had to have a 4-wheel drive or buggy to get to. And one of my all time favs we called "the Mountain". We would love going there for as long as we could. This place was located off Edwards Lake road. Where the old landfill was.There was a road to the mountain from Stone Hedge but they blocked it off. On clear nights you could see the lights from Miller steam plant in west jefferson/Birmingport area. Beautiful view.
 Amazing how much some of these places have changed. So please, if you read this, share with me some of you hangouts around here or share a memory on one I listed if you want.. Post it as a comment on FB if you like.

There is a truth in knowing who you are that will outshine anything.

 I have nothing, well maybe that's not true. I have lots but after the last couple of weeks my focus is way off. Many changes at work have forced changes on personal life as well. BUT! I am practicing what I preach and rolling with it. It can be damn hard at times but I know things will get back into some type of groove again.
 So here I sit, late Saturday night pondering everything from how I will motivate myself to start back working out to how I can get my job done more efficiently. Strange how our thought process works. Seriously, can anyone think like we used to? I cannot walk though the house without someone having a TV on. This I am not a fan of. Not that I hate TV, just that I think we have trained ourselves to want noise and distraction. Does anyone spend a moment with their thoughts anymore? Are you teaching our kids too? They have a lot more distractions than we did growing up.
 I have also thought about dinner parties. We had one the other night with some friends, one of which I have not seen since hight school. It was really fun having us all together with families. I think I am going to do it again with some other friends as well. Love my friends.
hmmmm What else...... Oh Damn I just realized something. This is probably the reason I am in the mood I am in. Tonight is the anniversary of my brothers accident. 20 Years ago my brother was killed in a car accident.

I still remember waking up that morning with the police knocking on the door. Asking my Dad to come with them and having me drive my mother to the hospital. I remember  being told in the waiting room that my Brother was being kept alive by a machine. I also remember my Dad making the decision not to keep him sustain by the machine. I have never  to this day, ever respected or thought more highly of a person in my life. My father is probably the strongest person I know.
 The funeral precession was the longest I have seen to this day. I remember looking back and not being able to see the end of it. It was amazing to see all the people. I remember thinking wow he had a lot of friends. Now as I think about it I am even more proud to think of all the lives he touched. He was one of the most unique people I have ever met. One of the main things I learned from him is that being different is not accomplished by acting different. It is accomplished by just being yourself. There is a truth in knowing who you are that will outshine anything.
 I also remember sitting outside the funeral home and wishing for rain. I have always loved the rain and think about that moment every time it rain now. Seems to clear my thoughts and calms my life no matter how hard it is raining.
 I took up writing poetry after that. Silly cheesy poems that relayed what I was thinking. Many of them about Dain. Some about death, hope, love, and life. I would probably publish them if they weren't so simple and cheesy. I wish I had a talent for writing. Truth is, I have no idea what my talent is.
 I have no regrets. I do not live in the past and constantly morn the loss of my brother. I am happy to have the memories. I feel that I am one of the luckiest people alive. He had many friends and girlfriends but only one brother. He passed away 2 weeks after my 21st Birthday. I am happy to have had 21 great years of living loving and learning with him.

 I am not sure why I am writing all of this. Maybe to clear my head or help focus my thoughts. I hope no one finds this upsetting. It has helped me tonight. Sometimes I think we need to put things out there for people to see. No one really knows how you feel unless you tell them. So there it is, those were thoughts that were stuck in my head tonight. Funny, when I started this I really had nothing to say. Now I will end it by saying. Love the ones you have. Life changes so fast it will make you head spin. Take nothing for granted.

I love my Family and friends. God bless all of you.